My eyes were tired and sleepy but when I close my eyes, I cannot sleep.
I keep think of something bad happens recently and cause me keep pondering the same things until I stay awake after lying on bed for 2 hours.
My eyes ready to sleep but my brain was NOT :( Melatonin refused to help regulate my sleep-wake cycle
My last insomnia experience will be when I still studying Form6 at home
When I cannot sleep and keep awake, I started to worry about tomorrow I cannot wake up, I got to wake up and go for attachment e.t.c, this makes me feel worst AGAIN.
Last night, luckily Zack was still awake so he can accompany me wechat and distract my concentration on negative thoughts
I believe that other than the negative thoughts on my mind, there were other reasons behind that which 'contribute' on my insomnia, there are:
i. feeling depressed and emotionally lately
ii. struggle with anxiety and worry
iii. sleeping environment (my next doors neighbours not considerate, keep laughing loudly in the midnight)
iv. health problems (getting mild flu recently)
v. Stimulating activity before bed time (online before sleep, especially asking friend to help me click ads, LOL)
vi. drinking a lot of caffeine (although people said cannot drink 8 hours before sleep, but I do think caffeine last longer than 8 hours, I drank coffee in the morning and teh tarik during lunch *servesyouright* )
Okay, now I should reconsider my living lifestyles to get rid of insomnia!
When I was in UM, I keep feel want sleep even I sleep enough up to 8 hours, but at home I insomnia, wasn't that really funny? Sarcastic enough..
Now, link back to the 'negative thoughts' I mentioned above
As far as I know about myself, I was kind a 'pantang person' where I really cannot hear about somebody passed away's news whoever the person is old, sick, accident or e.t.c.
Till now, I still cannot accept the facts that the person right in front of you now one day will 'back to the heaven or hell', somehow I will keep pondering what is the feeling when we passed away all that...until I feel damn scared
Undeniably, I become insomnia because of my emotion. Maybe is because of Lunar 7th month, it worsen my situation. (BUT, I was born in Lunar 7th month afterall LOL)
From last week, I heard the news where one of the family met fatal accident which lead to 3 deaths and 1 injury [the deaths is a newly registered as husband and wife and their father, more importantly, I know their sister and feeling pretty sad and pity on behalf of her]
Then, the granny stay the same street with me passed away on 90 years [but she looked quite healthy and able to walk by herself despite her age, she can even cook to her family everyday, I talked to her before that and she is quite friendly. She is a Hainanese but I believe she learnt Mandarin while raising up her grandaughters until can speak with us] I feel sad also in this matter.
After one or two days, my next door's neighbour who just move in not more than 6 months I guess, the Malay auntie passed away because of breast cancer [although I not really can recognize her face when she was alive, but I still sad for her left especially she passed away on the first day of the Hari Raya Aidifitri, I know for cancer's patients, this might be well for them to relieve their pain, but for their family members, it still pains, especially for her husband]
Last Saturday, knowing that a well-known politician YB Tan Ah Eng passed away also due to breast cancer which expand to brain cancer, I feel rather sad as I know her because of Crystal and her mum.
When I know her, she was already a politician (it is about 9 years ago when I was Form 1) I went tuition with Crystal and Peiwen, sometimes when Crystal's mum was not free then she will send us home despite the facts that she is a busy politician. Other than that, she also indirectly help me by using her name to appeal for studying art stream in Form 6 when I was being assigned to study science stream initially and I did appeal once but unsuccessfully. Let's say if and only if I was not successfully appealed, I will not studying law and UM now. The point I feel extremely sad is that she serves the nations and country for almost half of her lifetimes, she sacrificed the time that she can spend with her family but yet, she passed away at this young age with pain and torture of sickness. OMG this is truly deep sad, my condolences to her family. When I read the news online, I feel sad again and again. YB, May you rest in peace, thank you for anything and everything even just a tiny matters. You such a good Samaritan, I am sure God will place you to heaven.
Lessons behind that-TREASURE WHAT YOU HAVE NOW
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